News Item: Boston Park officials have disclosed that the Public Garden's resident swan couple, known affectionately as "Romeo & Juliet," are in fact, the same gender -- female.

I know, I know. The first question you're going to ask in reading this is -- "OK, so which 'Juliet' are you?" Does it really matter? Hey, we're swans. We didn't come up with those dippy names to begin with. Generally speaking, there isn't a whole lot of quoting Shakespeare amongst us water fowl.

Yes, we're a same-sex couple. Like Boston hasn't seen any of those before.

By the way, let's get something straight, so to speak. I have nothing against males. In fact, I dated one once. He was a jazz musician, a trumpeter swan from New Orleans who had an unfortunate encounter with a parked car. I told him to stay in the water. Men.

And it's not like we kept anything secret. The breeder who sold us told the city's park officials three years ago that we were both female. And now there's a big hullabaloo about it?

Hello? We would have been glad to tell everyone within earshot that we were both female. But swans, in case you haven't noticed, don't talk.
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